@highwayhooligan: The world is full of people who just need to hug a cactus.

@TheRolo: I don't know who you are, but if you don't stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will kill you.

@unbub_: a great headline for when there is a world wide fresh water shortage will be "water we gonna do??" we will need the laughs

@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.

@JohnLyonTweets: House arrest? Your Honor, if anyone is going to be punished here it should be me. My house has done nothing wrong.