@Token_Geezer: The reason the Japanese kill so many whales is because they remind them of Americans
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@InternetHippo: I was 13 the first time I tried probiotics. Some kids were passing a cup of yogurt around at a party. I figured why not? Now I’m in prison.
@Bottle_of_Death: *Reads your tweets, vomits into a bucket, mails bucket to you*- see what you made me do?
@im_not_smug: Coworker: That's a stupid song Me: Your face is stupid Coworker: Way to be mature Me: YOUR FACE IS MATURE!!
@AimeeHelene1: Him: If you're waiting for me to apologize... Me: No...no...I'm just waiting to see if you leave any fries behind when you walk away.