@NoTrophy4You: The reason why there aren't much female superheroes is that you can't expect a girl to wear the same superhero costume twice in a month
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@Parkerlawyer: My client's (soon to be ex) wife just flipped me off in the courthouse parking lot, so yeah, I'm obviously doing my job right.
@Crunk_Jews: This midlife crisis has a lot less bank heists and high speed car chases than I had imagined.
@frogpissmouth: [punches shark on the nose[ shark: that wont stop me me: are u crying shark: no its always wet & salty on my face
@DanTaylorAuthor: Me: *gets in from fishing trip* Girlfriend: did you catch anything? Me: *sighs* just an old boot Girlfriend: okay, what's she called?