@juliussharpe: The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
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@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: "Hand over your stuff! No funny business!" *I give him my wallet and phone but not my business proposal to open a clown college*
@SuperRandomish: We squint at the sun because it's bright. We squint at people because they're not.
@anagramps: *hot lady looks at me* Me: Hi! Do I know you? Lady: No I think I'm mistaken. *awkward pause* Me: So...is there a mister taken? *hit by bus*