@govindajeggy: The region of Qatar that hasn't been electrified yet is called acoustic Qatar.
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@daemonic3: Stopped drinking coffee 3 days ago, and feel less and less addicted to caffeine with every new cup of my own pee.
@KeetPotato: [if trump wins somehow] alien: "i said take me to your leader" me: "dude i swear this is him"
@AbbyHasIssues: An old guy at the gym told me I looked like his late wife. I'm hoping he meant while she was alive.
@Ivsy01: Her: I like how you did your hair today. Me: OMG thank you, I passed out in my closet last night.