@KagroX: The Republicans haven't got a single candidate who could survive a Willie Wonka factory tour.
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@jctwritesstuff: [First Date] Me: I'll just have a salad. [Second Date] Me: *on table, hunched over like four plates of nachos, hissing* My precioussss.
@rockymomax: HIM: the first rule of fight club is never talk about fight club ME: but we’re talking about it now HIM: I mean like to your friends ME: were not friends? HIM: I mean kinda but- ME: *crying* this hurts worse than getting punched