@Storminika: The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house.
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@eggnook: Wife: What are you gonna do today? Me: Shower. W: ...what else? M: Make a new iTunes playlist. W: Wow. M: Might not have time for a shower.
@fatguythe: Hid my daughters ipod in my other daughters room cause they've been getting along lately and there's nothing on tv tonight.
@cdncyn: I got thrown out of the zoo today.... apparently you're not allowed to feed the ducks..... to the alligators........