@Storminika: The rodents in my home are so damn big, they step in the glue traps and wear them like flip-flops around the house.
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@TheTweetOfGod: Every time you sing "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" I'm reminded how much I disapprove of My son's friends.
@wendchymes: Apparently you can't just drop your ex off at the morgue just cause they are dead to you.
@dammit_emma: officer, buying weed from a guy who sells on the side is basically shopping local. you should be THANKING me for supporting our community.