@AndyAsAdjective: The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
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@TheToddWilliams: [2019 USA] "Where are you from?" -Trumpsylvania, how about you? "North Trumpkota"
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: *sits at the table forever without touching anything* Me: *eats one cold chicken nugget* 3: THAT WAS MINE!
@PressOneForNo: When your toddlers are teenagers don't forget to wake them at 5am because your sock came off