@TheAlexNevil: "The rules are quite simple, Mr Bond: I think of a word, you guess letters in that word. If you guess wrong I draw a picture a man hanging."
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@chiekshere: [waffle house] Waitress: how do u like your eggs Me: hatched and with their families W: no how do u like them cooked M: [spits out coffee]
@Not_a_JesusGirl: Playboy has started a new edition for married men with the same women featuring every month.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: You said you were going to put the dog down ME: *in tears* I TRIED BUT HE HAD SOME REALLY DEVASTATING COMEBACKS
@Adar79Angie: When my family says things like...why don't you have kids yet? I say "Because I didn't get drunk & do the football team, Sasha."