@kelkulus: The Russian version of "How I Met Your Mother" is just a single episode showing a guy browsing a web page.
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@AIMMadellynne: Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are.
@dubstep4dads: [twirling my bra above my head like a helicopter and it gets stuck on the ceiling fan, im launched thru window into neighbors yard] me: hey
@IamEnidColeslaw: when I kiss a guy who has a mustache I'll close my eyes and pretend he's either Mario or Luigi, depending on his height
@TEN_GOP: Tiger Woods: Nobody could screw up their career the way I did last weekend. Kathy Griffin: Hold my beer. Bill Maher: Mind if I join you?