@kelkulus: The Russian version of "How I Met Your Mother" is just a single episode showing a guy browsing a web page.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
@DaddyJew: [spelling bee] Narrator: relax Contestant: ok Narrator: I'm sorry but that's incorrect C: what? N: our next contestant...
@CheryeDavis: Nothing makes me more proud of my son's sense of humor, than when he asks me for help with his algebra homework.