@AnnaKendrick47: The saddest thing about the digital age is the next generation won't have that "nudie mag they found in the woods" experience. #culture
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@AtticusFinch79: [marriage counseling] Ginny- He always hides from our problems. Therapist- Is this true? Harry- *puts on invisibility cloak* No.
@awildhope: On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"
@novicefather: [opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement.
@AimeeHelene1: Wait, what's that noise? Is there a dying cat outside? Oh...no...it's just a 50 yr old man racing a remote control car down the road.