@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
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@RdrJay47: [Calls Ex-Girlfriend] Remember all those hair-ties and Bobby pins you lost? Well, I found all 5,000 while moving.
@Reverend_Scott: Me: I won't be needing you to help me work through my problems anymore. Therapist: why's that? Me: I got a dog.
@VerifiedDrunk: I'll die fat, drunk & happy while you live healthy until you get run over by a bus... See ya at the cemetery!