@The_MartiniGirl: The sampler tester at the liquor store told me to stop coming back every hour in a disguise.
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@SexySpainNights: When someone cries, "No one gets me" I immediately snatch them and put them in my trunk and yell, "I got you"!
@caperbc75: "Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You're getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!" - the Abdominal Snowman
@Brampersandon_: ME: I cant make it in today BOSS: again? why M: my car died B: that's the same excuse you used yesterday M: yeah but today's the funeral
@martyntanton: Just been banned from my church's Easter service. Apparently the first words Jesus spoke after emerging from his tomb weren't "Ta-Daa!"