@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof
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@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@WheelTod: [Lab] Chief scientist:What the hell are you wearing?! Me (Dressed as Liberace): I thought you said we'd be mapping the genome in sequins
@goldengateblond: Kids today don't know what hardship is. When I was younger I sometimes had to wait ALL DAY for MTV to play my favorite video.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: One way to find out if you're old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you're young, if they panic, you're old.