@robfee: The Santa Clause (1994) A man gains a ton of weight after murdering a stranger on his roof
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@JaneBadall: The next stick figure family I see with more than 3 stick figure kids is getting a complementary condom taped on their rear window.
@Storminika: It's not cool to skip on dating someone who talks funny -- just because your english is gooder than theirs be.
@IamEnidColeslaw: I tell people my parents are divorced, but technically we lost my mom in a corn maze
@FlyJ_: I almost crashed into the semi in front of me while I was looking at a hot construction worker. That would've been an embarrassing obituary.