@robin_991: The scariest moment in the world is when a 3yo looks at you and says CLOSE YOUR EYES AND OPEN YOUR MOUTH
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@RorynotRoy: Spent all last night mouthing words to my dog to try and convince him that he'd gone deaf.
@WilliamAder: I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
@_davidlucas_: Don't forget to contemplate the meaning of life while standing in the cycle lane with your car door wide open today.
@FloodyHippie: You don't need to put "narcissist" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying.