@TheCatWhisprer: The scene in Rocky where he breaks open raw eggs and drinks them but me breaking open Cadbury eggs into a glass of chocolate milk.
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@MartaEffing: Between bank balances, my weight and age, math makes me more emotional than I ever thought possible.
@Vodkantots: My neighbor with the Confederate flag is harmless after all. He just drove off in the cutest little ghost costume.
@Kim_pulsive: My dogs keep looking at me as if I have the power to fix the snow outside but I'm too goddamned lazy to do it
@IamEnidColeslaw: my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera