@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
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@moooooog35: The 7-yr old has the flu so I'm letting her lick the envelopes of all my credit card bills.
@ericsshadow: [helping a pretty girl change a flat tire] me struggling to loosen lug nuts: Who put these on... Superman? her: I did
@LeBearGirdle: *Paranormal Factivity* [I walk into my bathroom] "OH MY GOD" ['WHALES ARE ACTUALLY MAMMALS' is written in blood on the mirror]
@SodomyClown: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to get in her trunk or she'll have to do this the hard way.