@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
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@WheelTod: Early in any job interview be sure to use the phrase "I always give 110%", so you can quickly gauge their tolerance for working with idiots.
@JasonLight73: I'm so glad I found Twitter...I finally have a rock solid Alibi for my Google Search History!
@somelightcrying: [makes eye contact with someone through crack in bathroom stall] hey
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