@VodkaDietSoda: The second I sense someone about to ask for a bite of what I'm eating, I immediately shove the whole damn thing in my mouth & look baffled.
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@EricaLynnz: If you're driving a getaway car just remember the best way to lose the cops is to ship them via the post office
@pbear79: I asked a waiter how they prepare their chicken. He said... "Meh, nothing special. We just straight out tell them they're going to die."
@KindOfASmartass: If I don't make some serious changes to my life, they'll never let me into the gates of heaven. So who can teach me how to pick a lock?