@storming01: The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
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@stephenjmolloy: Pilot: "What does this button do?" *intercom turns on* Pilot: "Doesn't do anything. Not sure what any of these buttons do."
@Bagyants: Her: How do you get girls? Me: I'm smart and funny. Her: That works? Me: No I'm terribly alone, I was just saying.
@GrumpyBahr: Apparently not checking the mail is not a valid excuse for not paying your bills. The more you know.
@Jebo_te_patak: You say tomato, I say that's a weird thing to say for no reason. We were just sitting here quietly, and you're all "tomato." You can leave.