@danagould: The secret to having all of your dreams come true is to keep changing your dreams to something that's just about to happen anyway.
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@BadMikeyBad: The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling "It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"
@moose_chocolate: Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else.
@blondecalamity: My decision to have kids was based solely on the fact that I was so tired of seeing movies in their entirety & craved constant interruption.
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: So why did you leave your last job? Me: Someone found out my birthday and decorated my cubicle with balloons.