@Adar79Angie: The security camera at work has "too many instances" of me acting like a dinosaur on film. And "any amount" is "too many." According to HR.
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@ariscott: Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.
@SteveSuckington: ME: I can't come in to work. My grandma died BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year ME: yeah she's a cat
@0point5twins: Girlfriend left a note on the fridge "this isn't working, you take everything too literally". She'll be so happy when she sees the new one.