@Jay16282: The self-checkout line was invented by a guy who was sent to the store to buy tampons.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.
@KeetPotato: dude at house party: "anybody here wanna bone?" girl: "ew" girl 2: "no way" girl 3: "never" dog: "i am very interested in your offer"
@LoveNLunchmeat: Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
@drinksmcgee: I saw someone use "Terrierist" instead of "Terrorist" and I don't know whether I should be afraid of my dogs or not.