@robfee: The sequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is just a series of horrified people finding parts of missing kids in their chocolate bars
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@QwertyJones3: Would you like to learn about the Mormon Church? "No thanks." Don't judge too quickly. We have a lot of sects... "WHERE DO I SIGN UP?"
@Thynebear: [buying condoms] Do you have anything bigger? Like if someone wanted to pretend to be a slippery ghost for a day, or something like that.
@cepheusjackson: [SCIENCE FAIR] ME: It's a Pez dispenser, but for hot Pop-Tarts. PRINCIPAL: This fair is for kids. OTHER PARENT: Shut up, let him finish.
@dafloydsta: ME: I assume you don't want your dog to see this? *slides over pic of him with another dog* JUDGE: *sweating* Bailiff, release this man.