@carlyken: The Shawshank Redemption but it's just me tunneling from my office to the break room so I don't have to talk to my boss.
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@turtledumplin: When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now
@Mikecanrant: Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
@AnkCoupleTO: Me: *gestures to the bellhop to take my bags to my room* Vanilla Ice: Yo man, I don't work here M: *slips him a five* VI: Right away sir