@thatUPSdude: The show Hoarders is like a snooze button for cleaning your house, "My place isn't that bad, I can go another week"
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@Kyle_Lippert: It's absurd how none of the chicks at this park are recognizing my swag *puts flip phone back in my fanny pack. Rollerblades away*
@amazymay72x: sure mugger, run away with my purse holding half used lipstick, 1 tampon, maxed out credit cards n negative bank card. whos laughing now?
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old put a blanket over her head and ran around like it was an invisibility cloak, but not for long. It made walls invisible, too.
@SteveSuckington: [first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape