@OhNoSheTwitnt: The sign at this gas station says "turn engine off" so I catcalled my engine and its cute friend from across the street.
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@Douchekevin: The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said 'I have no gag reflex ;) ' So I guess that means I'm taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie
@Brentweets: Women are like squirrels, very cute from a distance but will fight when you try to pick them up and get them in your car.
@CanadianCyn: This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense.