@dog_feelings: the small neighbor human. is hanging outside with some ice cream. and it is melting. way faster than it is being eaten. the only real solution here. is for me to trot over and help
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@JohnLyonTweets: Me: Can I have a gin and tonic? Them: Sir, this is an elementary school party. Me: Fine. MAY I have a gin and tonic?
@zacharyflynn: One time a girl told me to take off her shirt and I was like wow ok it doesn't really fit me anyway.