@jctwritesstuff: The smell of fresh cut grass. Freshly overturned dirt. The cold metal of a shovel. The fear in my neighbor's eyes as he mows his lawn at 7am
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@TheTweetOfGod: Ancient cryptic thrice-translated self-contradictory texts are the best way to convey moral precepts.
@Brampersandon_: JUDGE: so u plan to plead insanity? ME: let me double-check with my counsel *A googly-eyed sock puppet whispers in my ear* ME: yes ur honor
@DestineyLynn: As I was going through my wallet for a second I thought I got robbed... And then I remembered I got gas.
@thejamietighe: Coworker: What book you reading there? Me: 'How To Kidnap A Coworker' CW:... Me: Not you, Karen. A pretty one.