@Terdoh: The Snooze Button: because your first act of the day should be procrastination.
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@therealeatwood: ME: Leave me alone! You’re not my real dad! CRAWDAD: [patiently] I am doing my best to raise you on my own. Now eat your plankton.
@SteussieErica: Husband: We should go to Costco. Me [still in pajamas]: So I should change? H: I said Costco, not Walmart. Me:*puts on nicer pajamas*
@armyVet1972: I call my wife the iNag because she has 32GB of complaints and they're set on shuffle.