@Terdoh: The Snooze Button: because your first act of the day should be procrastination.
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@DanMentos: dispatch: we have a home invasion robbery in progress on the far side of the lake rowboat cop: *grabs oar* I'll be there in 6 hours
@eskimo_tekillya: I recently bought a corset to spice up my sex life. Once I've learned how to breathe in the damn thing I'll tell you how it worked out.
@juneohara65: "Go ahead, caller. . ." "Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I'd like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?"
@Jack_Wagon1: "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What do you mean there's not a secret passageway?"