@mortimermaiden: The soft snowflakes swirling in the night sky remind me of the time mom had too much gin and threw a roast duck at dad for taking her youth.
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@BeardSpice: *walks into convenience store* "Excuse me, do you sell beef jerky" No sorry we only carry beef friendly *beef sticks start complimenting me*
@RatBatallion: Just realized all my tweets are about my genitals . Time to change the subject. Do you believe in aliens ? If so , do they have genitals?
@VeganZebra: [Noah from the Bible is doing laundry and his washer just starts spewing water] DEBORAH GET THE BOAT