@mortimermaiden: The soft snowflakes swirling in the night sky remind me of the time mom had too much gin and threw a roast duck at dad for taking her youth.
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@Shot_Of_Cabo: She: Why don't we ever have sex anymore? Me: What's this "we" shit? I'm having plenty.
@MooseAllain: There’s been a fire at London Zoo. Apparently two stick insects were having sex and it all got out of control.
@MrSandeepP: I love how girls say that they like a guy with a sense of humour and yet you'll never find a poster of Mr Bean on their wall.
@MartaEffing: Someone just used the phrase, 'that's a big load', on this conference call, and suddenly I'm paying attention.