@cheeky__gal: The spider I just killed with a napkin isn't in the napkin, and now I'm in a circle of salt reciting incantations.
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@thepunningman: wife: Can't we just buy a bigger catflap? me: [buttering the cat] We're not made of money, Karen
@MizzSlaughter: Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait.
@crylenol: That ends your training. You're now a GameStop employee. Any questions? "What do I do if a girl comes in" Err *boss scrambles thru manual*
@Thomas1774Paine: Nine months from now -- when there's a baby boom in Hawaii -- you'll know who took the incoming missile warning seriously.