@bug_deal: the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it’s full of skeletons now
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@mantej: God was truly looking out for me today — I opened a bag of air and found a few Lay’s potato chips inside.
@RegularFred: Wife: that's never going to work Husband: you're so negative, Sandra W: you're planting bird seeds H: LET ME GROW MY BIRDS, WOMAN
@krisv_723: I have pictures of random children in my house. When my kid misbehaves I gently remind him of the brothers & sisters that came before him that are no longer part of the family.
@ItsAndyRyan: Me: Do you ever feel like you're an imposter? Psychiatrist: Get out of my chair Me: Interesting *writes 'thinks he's the psychiatrist'*