@ReaIlyHighGuy: The sun is a star. So technically it's night all the time.
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@zachheltzel: Never tell a psycho that they're psycho, because then they feel like they're obligated to prove it.
@djdarrellripley: Him: How does my football throw look to you? Me: Like you're good at science...
@_4kidscrazy: Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again.
@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.