@KenJennings: The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
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@Jn1fer: *Writes "For a good time call" on random gas station bathroom wall *adds work phone number *Gets excited about work today
@themiltron: [God creating the ocean] GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere. ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they— GOD: Make it undrinkable.
@BuckyIsotope: Closing time, son "Huh?" You don't have to go home but you can't stay here "But I live here Dad" *Dad stares at me* Don't forget your Xbox