@KenJennings: The Super Bowl is over, everyone. Time to briefly learn the names of some Winter Olympians.
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@dshack8: 50% of fatherhood is repeating yourself. Other 50% is untangling your kid from the shirt stuck on their head cause you didn't unbutton it.
@TheSharona06: Sent him a pic and he replied "BOOM!!" Trying to figure out if that means he liked it or he threw himself on a grenade.
@TheMichaelRock: Coworker: What did you do on vacation? Me: Didn't come to work. Coworker: I know that! Me: Good. Glad you understand how vacations work.
@MorganJ7: Normal people flirting: Hey you're cute we should go out sometime Me flirting: So do you like bread