@Schindizzle: The Supreme Court is really just a regular court with tomatoes and sour cream.
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@thenatewolf: Me: goodnight kids Kids: goodnight dad Me: goodnight monster that eats children who are bad Wife: [through radio under the bed] GOODNIGHT
@danjan13: I'm on chapter two of the dictionary and this thing is just so disconnected. Like, what happened to the aardvark from the beginning?
@_mindflakes: Me: Siri how much moss is it safe to eat Siri: I wasn't built for this Me: Siri, the moss Siri: Please let me go back to the phone factory
@melpraktis: When people say "You look so familiar" responding with "Were we in prison together?" is almost always a conversation killer.