@dumbbeezie: I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you
@blade_funner: Me: [returning organic fertilizer] I don't need this shit.
@QwertyJones3: [Me as an Italian language translator]
Police: Ask him where the money is hidden.
Me: Spaghetti tortellini Benghazi Fibonacci cappuccino.
@Harbinger_one: Just ran 45 minutes on the treadmill and burned 732 calories. Or as many people like to call it, 4 olives.
@HenpeckedHal: I bought my mother-in-law a pair of ankle weights for her workouts. She's proven to be a much stronger swimmer than I'd imagined.
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