@rhysjamesy: The Swiss must've been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
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@GrantTanaka: Felt a sharp pain in my chest & thought "oh shit, I'm having a heart attack," but it just turned out to be my wife stabbing me.
@pauleggleston: Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob* Wife: What are these? Me: The synonym rolls you asked for. Wife: CINNAMON.
@glu_ben: I've limited my friends to 3 people that know how to split a dinner bill w/o causing a fiasco and life has been awesome since.