@concretesledge_: The tag on this hot tub reads "6 man" when I clearly ordered a 1 man 5 woman hot tub. This one is going back!
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@Darlainky: Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
@iamspacegirl: SANTA: Mhm, and I see here that you have the power of flight, which wo- SUPERMAN W/ ANTLERS TIED TO HIS HEAD: Look, I really need this job.
@abbycohenwl: Friend: Are you growing your hair out? Me: I have no idea. Honestly, I never thought I'd live this long