@causticbob: The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
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@Jenn_H_Scott: My 8yo just asked my permission to say "shit" to express his anger, so don't tell me I'm not raising a polite kid.
@CerebralWreck: Lawyer: why do you want a divorce? Wife: because he use idioms incorrectly. Me: it's not my cup of shoes, Linda!
@Reverend_Scott: I believe I can flyyy. I believe I can touch the skyyy. I believe I was mistaaaken. I believe I'm faaalling. I believe I'm gonna diiiie.
@pabstdriver: I can usually tell how productive I've been at work, by the battery life of my phone.