@causticbob: The Theory of Relativity: Time moves more slowly when you are with your relatives.
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@Dutch_50: What's the name of the phobia for a fear of opening your mailbox because there might be a wedding invitation inside?
@oakhillbargrill: Wife: Did you pay the mortgage yet? Me: Do you think surfers in India are called Hindudes? Wife: What? Me: What? Communication is hard
@Izianikapani: I threw a boomerang yesterday and it didn't come back. How long do you reckon before it's safe to turn around?
@Screwoff315: I'm tired of this long distance relationship! Time to move the liquor cabinet to the living room!