@KenJennings: The thing about liking Kanye is that no matter how into him you are, you're AT BEST his #2 fan.
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@jewfacekilla: Please leave a message after the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II soundtrack.
@Doublelife64: Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again.
@OtherDanOBrien: ME: I'm a creep. I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. GUY: I love that song. ME: What song?
@amydillon: When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.