@1followernodad: the thing about the weather getting colder is that it makes you think you want to date someone when what you want is heavy socks
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@mishakey: I can't help but notice that the Ninja Turtles never wash their hands before eating pizza in the sewer.
@NickSchug: If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out "Marry me?" on pizzas all the time just to make things awkward for couples.
@sofarrsogud: OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY BOSS: I don't know you. Do you work here? ME: *sips wine* No. HIM: So your wife does? ME: *sips his wine* Again no.
@TheDairylandDon: I don't believe in Bigfoot; because he never believed in me. I'd scan the crowd at my ballet recitals, and always see that one empty seat.