@ilovepie84: The Tin Man carries around an axe because he is constantly afraid Ironman is going to hit on his wife.
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@Nikkeya08: Mom 1: My son loves gluten free chips. Mom 2: Asher eats everything organic. Me: My son had a chocolate donut and a booger for breakfast.
@1Bad_Scientist: Here's a list of things I need you to accomplish without any resources to do them with. -management
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: what’s your greatest strength? ME: I’m good at untying knots INTERVIEWER: oh thank god can u get these running shoes off of me?
@shawnspree: My wife hates the way I introduce her to people in public. "THIS is my wife.." *looks down at the ground *sighs *kicks can