@rachel2manypaws: The toughest part of any long distance relationship is the 6 hour drive to slash their tires.
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@JRehling: So, Noah found two polar bears in the Mideast? And after the flood, he took them back to Canada? That sounds plausible. #GodScience
@SwedishCanary: Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but it's not necessary to show it off.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Why do bad things happen to good people?" To even out the good things that happen to bad people.
@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?