@rachel2manypaws: The toughest part of any long distance relationship is the 6 hour drive to slash their tires.
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@TheToddWilliams: [shark therapy] "My girl dumped me & I haven't eaten in days" There's lots of fish in the sea "Yeah but...actually that covers everything"
@d_duhwit: Me*suspicious the neighbor is a cannibal*:"Do U find this is a tough neighborhood? Neighbor:"Na, u just use a slow cooker. Me:"What? n:"What