The two FIFA World Cup 2014 songs are Ole Ola & La La La.
Our linguistic evolution as humans never ceases to amaze me.
You Might Also Like
One day, the fridge will take revenge on me, every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes & then walk away.
What doesn’t kill you, forces me to reload.
I’m the only woman at this baby shower who doesn’t have a baby. They better ooh and aah over my bassinet of deviled eggs.
living with your parents
pros: it’s free
cons: everything else
*lying in bed*
*drops chip down cleavage*
*thinks, I’m so tired, leave it
*also, mmmmm, breakfast*
“This is the funniest video on the internet right now”
Me: Sees Video
Me: Checks Internet
Shout out to Clifford the Big Red Dog. He coulda eaten those kids a long time ago
TEENS: You might find yourself “embarrassed” by certain things your body is doing, when in fact, you should be ashamed.
them: hold your horses
me: *immediately drops one*
if i ever go missing please don’t use that photo of me holding a sign that says “if i ever go missing don’t look for me.” thanks
“The other day” -me talking about something that happened 27 years ago
ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight?
HER: no not yet!! i’m totally free and available
ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
[Person who spends 20 hours per week in the gym]
“The trick is to drink 8 glasses of water a day.”
Outing my girlfriend as a Protestant at Christmas dinner so my Granny forgets that we’re both women
[job int]
“& what are your strengths.”
Me: lions
“Lions?”
Me: I’ll take [lion walks by the office] I- [quietly] I’ll take on any lion
Leo: *names his child Oscar*
Doctor: “Would you like to hol-”
Leo: “Say it like we rehearsed it.”
Doctor: *sighs* “And the Oscar goes to…”
This package of bacon says it’s “naturally hardwood smoked” as if they just happened across a bunch of pigs next to a forest fire.
Take me with you! I shout to every airplane that flies over my house.
Underwear and socks come in resealable bags but cereal and potato chips don’t.
*dinosaur at zoo roars at me*
“ROAR”
whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this
“GROWL”
hmm
“SHOUT”
hmmm
“YELL”
hmmmmm
“HOLLER”
oh its a thesaurus
HIM: you promise you’re not an octopus?
ME: of course not silly
HIM: good. come in & meet my family
ME: *hugs all 4 of them at once*
My 6yo ate his dinner but apparently that wasn’t enough food because he said “I’m hungry” and I said “I’m daddy” which really wasn’t the answer he was looking for.
Happy 3rd birthday to the yogurt in my refrigerator
Hiring a sky writer to remind my wife about the time I emptied the dishwasher.
Dating a beekeeper would be stressful because if they called you “honey,” you wouldn’t know if they were being romantic or if they were just thinking about work again.
Secretly Canadians love it when people mistake them for Amer-
*is decapitated by a hockey stick*
me: damn! this pizza burned the inside of my mouth
*immediately takes 2nd bite*
Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.
Listen here weather report, don’t tell me 1” hail.
You tell me Oreo size hail so I can understand.
My wife is an economist and I am an engineer. I was watching my wife make her breakfast one morning, and noticed that she made way too many trips to get each of the items she needed. So I said in my best engineer voice, “Hey sweetheart, why don’t you utilize the load…