@TheTweetOfGod: The two most popular gifts women receive on Valentine's Day are a box of things that make her fat and a bouquet of things she can watch die.
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@zachreinert03: Audrey Hepburn probably has my favorite last name that combines an STD and a symptom of an STD
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: Are hot dogs made from real dogs? Me: Would you eat them if they were? 4: No! Me: 4: Unless I had ketchup.