@XplodingUnicorn: The U.S. Army developed a pizza that stays good for 3 years. Finally, those billions in military spending paid off. Your move, Al Qaeda.
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@rantingmd: getting sick of watching movies where johnny depp dresses like a hobo. I blame him for russel brand
@stephenjmolloy: [Tour of an olive oil factory] Guide: This is where we squash the olives. [Tour of a baby oil factory] Guide: You don't want to go in there
@doktorj: Teach a man to fish and you'll have a lot more precious time to yourself in a quiet house with no one wanting something every 15 minutes.
@claire_mudie: My boyfriend is watching Glee voluntarily and tapping his foot and smiling. That makes me a lesbian now, right?