@BestScienceJoke: The U.S. has more prisons than degree-granting colleges. How absurd. To fix that, we should merge some prisons and split up some colleges.
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@MsFoxIfUrNasty: There are so many songs that tell us how to breathe. It's like musicians and songwriters have never heard of the autonomic nervous system.
@Ideal_Victoria: Don't just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
@drinksmcgee: Trojan’s next commercial should just be a guy saying “See?” while pointing at my kids when they’re fighting over a cookie.
@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.