@MUMSIEesq: The ugly duckling grew up to be a beautiful swan. A beautiful, self-conscious, mentally unstable, overmedicated, antisocial swan.
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@KylePlantEmoji: You, dumb: Can I ask you a question? Me, brilliant linguist: That's literally the only type of thing you can ask
@fro_vo: Me: I don’t know what to do on my date Friend: show her some local culture [later] Date: hi Me: *holds out hands* look at this yogurt
@ComedicBust: Our eyes met. Our hearts touched. He was the one. We fell in love. He used a flash mob to propose. I'm single now.