@TheTweetOfGod: The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.
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@JVarsityCaptain: My ex can't take his new girlfriend to basketball games because she gets pissed when the whole stadium makes fun of her by yelling REBOUND!
@Jandalize: Falling asleep at work didn’t get me in trouble. Falling asleep at work and snoring got me in trouble.
@Jandalize: There's no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you're blowing up a rubber glove.
@hazelmotes1: Frequently Asked Questions: 1) You did what? 3) How dare you? 53) Don't you know how numbering lists works?