@TheTweetOfGod: The Vatican just deleted all the Pope's tweets. Because NO ONE denies reality like the Catholic Church.
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@joeljeffrey: A man fought off a polar bear yesterday using only his cell phone... it was probably a blackberry. The bear was so disgusted he just left.
@SaddestFinger: My grandfather told me that during the war he was exposed to irritants like pepper spray and mustard gas. Now he's a seasoned vet.
@Playing_Dad: *turns on shower* *shower whispers "eat donuts for breakfast" & "get drunk tonight"* Me: Wow, that's some serious water pressure
@ddsmidt: My dentist told me to relax, then got all judgey about me uncorking my wine in his office. He needs to make up his mind.