@naazihah: The Very Hungry Caterpillar taught me that I can binge eat carbs and then take a two week nap and I'll become beautiful.
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@aldenskii: *in an interview* Me: Tell me a time when you really struggled in your previous job. Applicant: 5-7PM po. Me: Applicant: 8PM. Me:
@Fred_Delicious: [gets found guilty of murder] [sentenced to 3 years of listening to Pitbull on repeat] [appeals] [gets sentence reduced to lethal injection]
@cathisamazing: Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion.