@othersome: the waiter grinds me some pepper. "tell me when." i never say 'when'. the restaurant and the city fill with pepper. sky turns black w/ peppr
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@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes
@PoonWhisperer1: The GF goes away for 10 days, *shits going to get wild * sleeps in middle of bed
@House_Feminist: My wish is for all women to love and accept their bodies but also for my body to be objectively the best even tho I'll be v humble about it
@NamestartswithZ: Two gunslingers face each other in the street, waiting to draw. Minutes pass. I'm still obliviously standing between them sipping a Slurpee.