@JennyJohnsonHi5: The "walk of shame" should be going to a bar the next morning after being drunk looking for your lost debit card.
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@MiddleageM: Heard my mom tell my dad to "stop tossing her salad" at the dinner table and now I can't look at either one of them without laughing...
@StashTheTash: Real person: Do you have Twitter? I'll follow you! Me: Nope, sorry. Don't have a phone or a computer. Or a microwave. Hard times and all..
@QwertyJones3: [Safari] "Remember, when you're near water beware of wild hippos." Don't worry, I'm prepared for that. *shows handful of white marbles*